Hey i’m not diagnosed with bpd but my gf is and i don’t know what to do anymore. it feels like i’m getting insane or something. right now she doesn’t talk to me, again; she broke up with me, again; after we had a little discussion about me wondering why she didn’t text me back for several hours. she cheated on me in the past a few times, every time we had a fight and she started to paint me bad. i forgive her everything cause i can understand what she’s been through. i’m not that type of guy who wants just sex or something, i don’t judge her and i don’t blame her neither. She is my everything. But she gets so angry from one minute to another and i can’t do anything about it. if i try to talk to her she doesn’t respond or it causes more anger. when i leave her alone for one or two days she does something with this or that guy and this is exactly where my insecurities and lack of trust show off. now there’s another guy again she’s seeing. he’s one of her friends friend and i’ve been through the same type of behavior, anger, pain, ignoring, raging six months ago. i don’t see her as a burden and i try so hard to not do something wrong cause i know she struggles with so many issues.
Seriously i’m desperate. It feels like my soul is dying or my insides are rotting. No one and nothing can make the sharp pain in my head stop. Please, i really need help or some adivces :(
There’s a lot here to talk about so I’ll try my best to answer as much as I can.
It sounds like there’s a block with communication, you talk with her and she seems to shut down, close off and break things off with you. There could be a couple of reasons for this; perhaps the way you talk with her in those moments make her feel like she is being attacked whether that’s your intention or not. It could be that she doesn’t know how to process the things you say or she may feel such an abundance of guilt or shame or any emotion really and can’t handle the intensity. There are so many possibilities and the only way you’re going to find out is by talking, gently, with her about how you feel.
Tell her that you love her, tell her how you feel when she shuts you out, tell her how you feel when you’re with her (more of a focus on the good things).
There may come a point, though, where you need to examine whether or not the relationship is really what you both want. I don’t mean that you should give up or that she should either. There are times in your life when you do have to think about yourself and what is best for you.
This may or may not be one of those times.
From what you’ve written it sounds like she might need space, maybe to figure out what she wants and/or needs or maybe it’s that you need space too.
I realise there are a lot of maybe’s in here but there are a lot of things that are “maybe”!
What I suggest, at this point, is that you focus completely on you. Do things that make you happy, reconnect with friends and with yourself. This is important because you’re the one who is asking for help, you’re facing something really hard and you’re hurting really badly. It’s probably as good a time as any to work on you and get back to a place within yourself that is content, confident and at peace, even if it’s only a little bit.
Ground yourself again, find out what you like and who you are because you change over time and you may want completely different things now than you once did. What do you want to do in your life? Where do you want to go? What kind of people do you want to have in your life?
These are all things to consider and things that can give you a lot of fulfilment. So work on you. Understand yourself, your needs and wants.
Yeah that’s hard to do but, honestly, what do you have to lose right now? You’re falling apart and feel like you’re spiralling out of control. Instead of letting that happen why not work on remembering who you are? Not what you think you need to be for someone else.
I know this probably wasn’t what you were hoping to hear or even expected but it’s all I can offer. I’m sure there’ll be lots of other advice and suggestions for you too so hopefully you’ll be able to find something that helps or puts you on the path you want to be on.